Hey Phi,
How’s it all going in Japan during these tumultuous times? I trust you’re doing the right thing by your family & friends, wearing a mask, washing your hands thoroughly, social distancing, and restricting yourself to sensible gatherings. I read about the spikes in our hometown, Melbourne, and the present place you lay your head, Tokyo, and I can’t help but worry. In Australia, the issue at hand is very much behavioural. Unfortunately, too many nuff-nuffs (bakas) ignore the health advice of the experts. Here in Honky Town, we’re experiencing a third wave. There are 4000 active cases and worryingly quite a few community transmissions.
It doesn’t seem that long ago, late May, that after 13 weeks of home learning, we cautiously welcomed the kidlets back for half days at school. AT LAST! Things were going swimmingly well, Covid-19 wise, so an August start was looking rosy, but with the recent spike, next Thursday marks the start of the school year, online no less. On a bright note, I’m moving to G3 after five years in G4. Really looking forward to freshening things up & learning with new colleagues!
I wonder if circumstances were different, our stars were aligned, and you were living with us, how strong or strained our relationship would be? It’s a time of great anxiety, a seriously challenging setting with additional rules & expectations, so, how would our dad-daughter relationship stand up? No one teaches you how to be a good father. I know I’ve made mistakes. I know I have said things I have regretted. I know I could have shown more empathy. I know I should have risen higher when others went lower. I still need to spare myself from making judgement or showing resentment. I’m still learning, but that’s a good thing, right? Having said that, I feel lucky to have learned from the best. Your Pa, my dad, though I often didn’t know it at the time, he was the best dad. He was always there for me. He still is. Despite my many failures, he’s never given up on me. I’ve learned loyalty and hopefully after many decades some quiet wisdom.
For parenting skills, I also look to my great Canadian mate, Stan. He has two daughters, Hayden is starting her second year at uni, and Samara is about to begin her tertiary education. His relationship with his gals is so tight. It’s inspiring, brilliant. I hope you’ll afford me a chance to at least try and replicate my own father’s calming support, and Stan’s selfless spirit.
So, yeah, I think about my role as a father. What about your role as a daughter? How does that work? Well, I think you’re beginning to realise that there are an infinite number of dimensions outside our own. There are links & connections that bind us, entwine us, even strangle us. Within these relationships, there are known knowns, even known unknowns, and there are unknown unknowns. Think about that. Don’t be too angry & upset to question the evidence. You might be interested in reading the 80+ letters written to the Family Court of Japan that overwhelmingly supported our relationship. There are letters from your kindergarten teachers, our Japanese neighbours, our dentist, the mechanics across the road, friends, family, even some of your mother’s former friends. Your cousin Allie’s letter, addressed to the judge, still remains my favourite.
I hope that when you’re reading this some of your memories are the same as mine. But I also hope that some of your memories are different. When we finally reconnect (again), I hope that your memories embolden mine. I remember that sometimes you used to use your imagination to retreat. Sometimes that worries me, because I so hope that these days you use your creative energy to fly.
I trust that you can help me colour between the lines, help me remember the smiles that I’ve forgotten, and jog the laughter that slipped from my memory. Yes, we’ve lost time. Whole chunks of life have been wrestled from us. But we can’t be separated from time. Time is constant, but our memories survive. Losing you is constant. Missing you is constant. Loving you is constant.
I know one thing. We can’t go on without looking back. But as we do look to the past, we just have to be sure we’re not building a sense of resentment. We can’t harden our hearts against those who love us most. Let’s cling to those beautiful memories and let’s learn from our mistakes, and the mistakes of others. Let us not lay blame, but let us remember that those who cannot look to the past are sadly condemned to repeat it.
Here’s a few more letters that I sent to your email or Instagram account. My apologies, some of my thoughts are severe. Nonetheless, for the record, I sent them… perhaps unwisely.
I love you,
Dad… XoXo…
Ophelia, (sent Dec 31 2019)
I so missed you in Australia. Another Christmas without you. Everywhere I went in Melbourne there were memories of you. Everywhere I looked there were photos of you. Nobody has forgotten you… we just miss you more & more every day.
More than anything, I want to be a part of your life. I want to support you emotionally and help you make a difference. I want to help you nurture your identity and bilingualism.
Last week in Australia, I twice visited Billie & Luca’s mother, Cate. Cate & Sean broke up some years ago, but they put co-parenting in front of their differences. Despite Sean & Cate breaking up, Nandee & Pa still enjoy a cup of tea with Cate. Sean & Cate are honest with each other. They respect each other and recognize the fact that they both love Billie & Luca. They put Billie & Luca first. Because of their mature relationship, Billie & Luca feel loved & comfortable. Your cousins don’t need to choose between Cate & Sean. It was great to see Cate, give her a hug, and enjoy a cup of tea together.
When your mother & I divorced many years ago, I had hoped we could work together to bring out the best in you. To encourage a parenting partnership, I created a co-parenting contract signed by your mother, Jiji, Noribaba, Nandee, Pa & me. When you were just 17 months old & your mother left, we all agreed to put you first. We agreed not to go to court; instead my goal was to work together with your mother to make you a happy child. To be fair, I gave your mother exactly half of all the assets/money I had earned/saved over the years to that date, over 11,000,000 yen. Nobody asked me to give the money to your mother. No court ordered me to pay her 11,000,000 yen. Put simply, I felt it was the right thing to do. It kind of felt good too; it still does.
It was to be a fresh start for your mother & me. You lived with me and I paid the 60,000 yen per month for your kindergarten. I expected no money from your mother, instead I encouraged her to complete her doctrate, find a job, and be a mother to you. Sometimes she came to Numazu to see you. Sometimes she even stayed for the weekend. She slept in the living room. You and I slept upstairs. We gave her a key to our second home in Numazu. We even invited her camping. She cried in a show of gratitude. I trusted her.
Then your mother took you and prevented us from seeing each other. Suddenly she stopped communicating with me. Soon after, she took me to the Family Court. She refused to reply to my emails or talk to me on the phone. She insisted all communication should go through a lawyer. Your mother broke the agreement that she signed. She broke the trust & goodwill of the agreement your grandparents, Noribaba, Jiji, Pa & Nandee signed. Again & again she broke the visitation agreement the Family Court advised. Your mother broke any trust we shared. She denied our relationship. Nandee & Pa flew from Australia several times to see you; she denied them a chance to see you & broke their hearts. I paid millions & millions of yen in lawyers’ fees to see you, but your mother blocked my every move. When your mother used her ex-husband’s influence to have me surrounded by six police officers when we attended your Bunkasai (School Festival), I had had enough. She broke me.
Phi, I’m sorry. I cannot trust your mother to do right by you. Instead of using the money I gave her to look after you, she used the money on holidays, lawyers & courts to keep you & me apart. How can I trust her to use any money I give fairly? How can I believe her?
Ophelia, you’re welcome to live with us. You’re old enough to decide. If you decide to live with us, I will not dictate who you can see. You will be free to visit your mother, Yoko, Jiji & Baba, whenever you wish. Not three times a year, as many times as you like. I will not decide what is best for you. That decision is your decision. I understand how important your Japanese family is. They love you. I will not take that relationship away. Even if someday you turn against your mother, I will encourage you to forgive her, and visit her. I do not wish to undermine your mother. She is your mother & naturally important to you.
Again, I want to support your decision-making process, but I need to know that your mother is not manipulating things behind the scenes. At no stage will I ever pass money to your mother again. I’m sorry, but for too long I presumed good intentions from your mother, only to be tricked again & again. Your mother has lied & bent the truth on too many occasions. I cannot trust your mother to do the right thing by you.
Again Ophelia, it is your future, nobody else’s. Don’t let your mother’s narrow viewpoints shape your life too much. Seek to understand all perspectives. There is wisdom in listening to all sides. Be open to new ideas & challenges. That is how we grow as people.
I am here to help & support you. I am here to listen.
I love you and so much want to be a part of your life, again.
Let me know when is a good time for me to visit you in Japan, or I can pay for your flight to Hong Kong, or Australia. We have much to discuss. Emails will never be enough.
Love always,
Dad… XoXo…
(sent Dec 25 2019) Morning Phi,
Merry, MERRY Christmas! How was the Festive feeling this morning? Were the lights sparkling, presents beneath the tree, and the smell of holly in the air? I guess Saya is young enough to show excitement anticipating Santa’s arrival. Hoping you received my card & necklace in the mail… and this morning my gift to you hangs from your neck.
This morning when you woke, was the house nice and warm? I imagine it’s cold & uninviting outside. How much “kid” is still in your heart? Christmas isn’t the same without kids… Do you still get excited about Christmas?
Reminiscing, we used to get so involved in the build-up to Xmas; cutting down a pine tree in the outskirts of Numazu (Senbon or up in the hills), decorate the tree, put the lights on, and then we’d write our Christmas cards together. Perhaps your highlight was setting up the lights in the front garden… your nightly smile was priceless.
Then on Christmas Eve, we would carefully fill a glass of milk for Santa, and place two cookies on a plate nearby the tree. It was difficult for you to get to sleep on December 24th, so Dad read loads of Christmas books until your eyelids were heavy. In the morning I would usually wake first, wondering when your tip-toeing little steps would rush into my room & jump on my bed. I would swallow you in a big hug and carry you downstairs. Sure enough, your eyes sparkled when you noticed the milk glass empty and just the crumbs of the cookies remaining. Father Christmas had been! I miss those moments and that closeness we shared. Nothing is the same without you. Do you remember?
So, what’s your plan for the day? Are you having a special breakfast, lunch or dinner? I guess you’re catching up with friends & exchanging gifts. Did you bake your loved ones some Christmas biscuits? What did you get for your mother? How is she? Give her a hug for me.
Australia is just not the same without you.
This morning Dad ran into Ringwood Lake at 6:30 am. It’s about a 6 or 7 km loop. I thought of you as I ran, so wishing you were matching my stride, as we chatted, laughed, smiled, reminisced… At the lake I did my exercises while visualizing you playing on the playground. Do you remember Ringwood Lake? It’s got such an enormous, rustic, engaging playground. I imagined you playing, squealing, climbing, laughing while I did 100 push-ups, 100 crunches, 30 chin-ups, 3 x 90 second planks, 3 x 50 second side planks, 60 lunges, 3 x 50 second squats. Fitness keeps my mind positive, my body alert & healthy… the cardio makes me accountable & fills part of the void left by your absence.
80 minutes later, I was home at 39 Andrew Crescent, Croydon South. Pa was still in bed (he’s hurt his back), but by 8 am Nandee was up cutting up strawberries, grapefruit, banana, blueberries & raspberries for breakfast. After exercise, fruit, muesli & Greek yoghurt to start the day.
On my run home from the lake, surprise, surprise, I noticed a café open on Xmas day. Very unusual for anything much to be open on December 25th, so here I am writing to you.
This morning at 11 am, we’ll go to Rich & Rach’s place in Camberwell. Allie & Chris will be swimming (we’re expecting a top of 27 degrees Celsius), and Sean, Lauren, Luca, Billie & Tish (Sean & Lauren are acting as foster parents for Tish – hoping to adopt her as their own child). We’ll have Christmas lunch together, hand out gifts to the kids, talk about you (your Dad usually cries), then we’ll head back to #39.
Alright, Phi, I’ll let you go. Let’s talk soon.
Your family in Australia so much want to be a part of your life. Wouldn’t it be great to be jumping in the pool in Melbourne on December 25th 2020!
Love Dad… XoXo…
Though I may never carry you on my shoulders again, I hope we go jogging side by side.
Though we may never ride to school together again, I hope we climb mountains, watch sunsets and swim in the ocean again & again.
Though we may never read another book before bed together, I hope we go to the theatre soon.
Though I may never cut your fingernails again, I hope we can cook together.
Though I may never bounce you on my knee again, I hope we hug again & again.
Though we may never draw pictures beside each other again, I hope we visit art galleries & museums together.
Though we may never play dress-ups again, I hope your dad can take you shopping again & again.
I love you Phi…
Dad… XoXo…
(Nov 9 2019)
Ophelia,
My family & friends are so proud of you for reaching out to me on Sunday, May 12, 2019. Every day I give thanks for how lucky I am. Your bold, courageous actions bring me much happiness.
My hope is that one day soon you will feel pride in who you are. More so, you’ll embrace your identity and blossom as a unique individual. As I have said many times in the past, you’re Japanese and Australian. You should be very proud. You’re Hirakawa & Morice. Your identity is bicultural. You’re unique & beautiful. You are the only Ophelia Hirakawa-Morice on Earth. You are caring, honest and respected. I am so proud to be your dad.
Last month you turned 17, you have likely been thinking a lot about your future. It’s time to make your own decisions. Now that you have had the courage to reconnect with your Australian family, though it may make your life difficult in some ways, it also brightens your future, personally & professionally. Professionally, because being bilingual opens doors. If you’re fluent in both English & Japanese, companies will be keen to give you a job. Interesting & challenging jobs that pay well. Rewarding jobs that provide opportunities to travel.
On another note, being bilingual also opens hearts. You will make new friends, be able to travel, and of course spend quality time with your family in Australia.
Now is the time to act. Now is your time. More than anything, I want to be a part of this new life. I want to support you emotionally and help you make a difference. I want to help you nurture & grow your bilingualism. When you were six, you were perfectly bilingual, fluent in both Japanese & English.
Over a decade ago, somebody in your life made a selfish decision by taking away these opportunities. Opportunities to be loved & supported by two families. Opportunities to live and see different perspectives. Opportunities to walk in the shoes of others. Over the years, your Japanese language skills have dominated. Your English language skills have slept.
Now, you are in a position to awaken your English language skills and broaden your horizon. But not just that, to find who you are.
It won’t be easy. It will take some work (particularly your English writing), but if you want to regain the gift of bilingualism, you can do this!
You have several things in your favour:
One, you’re young enough to regrow your English.
Two, you have people who love & care for you, and most importantly, want to help & support you.
Three, you have options. Lots of options.
Again, here are just some options:
- After high school in Japan, you could take a gap-year in Australia. You could live with Nandee & Pa, your aunts & uncles, and reconnect with your cousins. Your spoken English would improve rapidly. Nandee could help you with your writing & reading.
- After high school in Japan, you could take a gap-year in Hong Kong. You could live with me. I can act as your teacher, and at last be a “dad” to you. We can holiday together, and we can visit Australia, too.
- After high school in Japan, you could go to Australia and go to high school for 12 months.
*For all of the above, I would happily help fund this new direction in your life.
**Taking a gap-year is a solid idea. It will give you time to think about what you really want to do.
- After high school, you could study at a college or university in Japan. Ideally, a college/university that has a strong English course. During the vacations, you could travel to Hong Kong & Australia.
*If you choose to study in Japan, I need to know that I am going to be a part of your life if I am going to financially support your studies. When we met this summer, you hugged me, we cried, we laughed, we talked, we smiled. I had reason to believe that I would again become your dad. Someone you could turn to for support. Someone you could trust. Someone you could confide in.
Then you told your mother about me. You told me that you argued with your mother about me. I’m so sorry, because none of this is your fault. Since you told your mother, all communication between you & me, you & your Australian cousins, you & your Australian grandparents has shut down.
I don’t wish to undermine your mother, but the fact remains that when this all started she refused any form of co-parenting and denied all visitation (all the visits we were denied are documented in opheliaanddad.com). All the facts on your mother refusing to directly communicate with me & her anti stance on co-parenting are with the Family Court. She shut down all communication between us, and insisted the only communication should be through lawyers. I have countless files from lawyers documenting all of this. It should also be noted that when we divorced I gave her over $120,000 Australian dollars (your mother & I have bank statements proving this transaction). I had hoped that she would use this money with your interests in mind. Perhaps you could ask her why she didn’t set aside some of this money for you…
I want to support your decision-making process, but I need to know that your mother is not manipulating things behind the scenes. At no stage will I ever pass money to your mother again. I’m sorry, but for too long I presumed good intentions from your mother, only to be tricked again & again. Your mother has lied & bent the truth on too many occasions, and that is why I have sought the services of a lawyer. I cannot trust your mother to do the right thing by you.
In this paragraph, I will sound like a parent. Probably, you won’t like what I have to say, but, I need to know that you will apply yourself. My own parents encouraged me to attend university, but they did not pay for my education. I respected their reasoning, because some people spend the money of others and collect diplomas & degrees, but never use the skills & knowledge they learned because they never enter the workforce. This is an abuse of the financial generosity & goodwill of others. I took student loans and paid for all my university courses. It was my own money, but I was never bitter about my parents not paying my tuition; rather, I saw the money I spent on my degree, my Masters & other courses in education as an investment.
Ophelia, it is your future, nobody else’s. Seek to understand all perspectives. There is truth in listening to all sides. Be open to new ideas & challenges. That is how we grow as people.
I am here to help & support you. I am here to listen.
I love you and so much want to be a part of your life, again.
Let me know when is a good time for me to visit you in Japan, or I can pay for your flight to Hong Kong, or Australia. We have much to discuss. Emails will never be enough.
Love always,
Dad… XoXo…
(Oct 25 2019) Hey Phi.
How are you? How are you feeling at this moment?
I hope you feel you have the support you need. I hope you can speak the truth in your heart. I hope you have people in your life who listen, really listen. I hope you have people you can lean on, people who understand your bilingual and bicultural identity, people who respect and empathise with who you are. People who don’t try to change you.
Be yourself. Be proud. Be the one and only Ophelia.
I love you.
Dad
Sent from my smelly running shoe phone 📞
(Oct 20 2019) Phi,
I’m worried about you. I know I shouldn’t be worried, I know you’re just busy with friends, school, your part time jobs, modelling, studies, family and life’s hurdles.
I’m also grateful for 2019. Grateful that this year you reached out to me, not once, not twice, but three times we met. You helped make my life whole again. After almost eight years of not seeing you, you filled a hole in my heart.
On your birthday, take a moment to reflect and appreciate the small things in life. Your ability to smell the deliciousness of Japanese curry rice and the first time you learned that the voices of Mickey and Minnie Mouse were married in real life? (So cool, right?) Or how about the fact a group of pink flamingos is called a ‘flamboyance’? Do you enjoy the feeling of new crisp bed sheets? I love putting my head on a fresh pillow slip💕
The small things are what make up life when we don’t have time to notice. Love. Song. Dance. Laughter. Smiles.
Stay strong. Work hard. Make your studies meaningful and purposeful. Dance like nobody is watching. Love like there’s no tomorrow. Be the person your dog thinks you are…💕Be true to yourself…
Every day I wonder how you are, what you’re thinking, what you’re doing.
Sometimes I wish I could still hold and protect you. When I dream of us, you’re still six or seven. My little Ophelia who used to climb all over me, sit on my back while I did pushups, sleep in my arms as I cradled you standing in the train.
But it’s better this way, you’re 17. You’re independent, mature and working hard to make sense of your life.
Let me in. Let me know you are okay.
I so wish to see you again 💕
Love dad…💞
Sent from my running shoe phone
(September 29 2019) Phi,
So, my amazing daughter, what shall we do Tuesday/Wednesday?
How about jogging around Sayamako together? Or we could go for a walk around Kokukoen. We could workout at Inariyamakoen. I could meet you in Hanno and we could go for a hike at Nagatoro.
Do you need new running shoes? We could go to the Iruma outlets and get you a new pair🎉
Can’t wait to see you on your birthday month, October!
Love always,
Dad
Sent from my running shoe iPhone
(Sep 19 2019) Phi,
I’m so proud of you for reaching out to me. Every day I marvel at how lucky I am. You make me very, very happy!
I hope you are starting to feel some pride in who you are. You’re Japanese and Australian. You’re Hirakawa & Morice. Your identity is bicultural. You’re unique & beautiful. You are caring, honest and respected. I am so proud to be your dad.
In less than a month, you will turn 17. You have likely been thinking a lot about your future. Now, that you have had the courage to reconnect with your Australian family, though it may make your life difficult in some ways, it also brightens your future, personally & professionally.
Professionally, because being bilingual opens business doors. If you’re fluent in both English & Japanese, companies will be keen to give you a job. Good jobs that pay well. Good jobs that provide opportunities to travel.
Personally, because being bilingual also opens hearts. You will make new friends, be able to travel, and of course spend quality time with your family in Australia.
Now is the time to act. Now is your time. You need to nurture & grow your bilingualism. When you were six, you were perfectly bilingual, fluent in both Japanese & English. Over the years, your Japanese language skills have dominated. Your English language skills have slept. Now, you are in a position to awaken your English language skills. It won’t be easy. It will take some work (particularly your English writing), but if you want to regain the gift of bilingualism, you can do this!
You have several things in your favour:
One, you’re young enough to regrow your English.
Two, you have people who love & care for you and want to help you.
Three, you have options. Lots of options. Here are just some options:
- After high school in Japan, you could take a gap-year in Australia. You could live with Nandee & Pa, your aunts & uncles, and reconnect with your cousins. Your spoken English would improve rapidly. Nandee could help you with your writing & reading.
- After high school in Japan, you could take a gap-year in Hong Kong. You could live with Chinami & me. I can act as your teacher, and at last be a “dad” to you. We can holiday together, and we can visit Australia, too.
- After high school in Japan, you could go to Australia and go to high school for 12 or 24 months.
- After high school, you could study at a college or university in Japan. Ideally, a college/university that has a strong English course. During the vacations, you could travel to Hong Kong & Australia.
- After high school in Japan, you could take a gap-year in Japan & Australia. During this time you could prepare for college/university.
*Taking a gap-year is a solid idea. It will give you time to think about what you really want to do.
It’s your future, nobody else’s. Use your head, and follow your heart.
I am here to help & support you. I am here to listen.
I love you and so much want to be a part of your life, again.
Dad… XoXo…
(Sep 6 2019) Hi Ophelia,
I know you’re very busy with school, friends & your part time jobs. I love the fact you are working part time. Respect.
Next weekend I will fly to Japan hoping to see you. I will be in Japan Saturday, September 14 to Monday September 16. What about a small birthday celebration for your 17th? Just you & me?
Love always,
Dad… XoXo
(Sep 3 2019) Hi Phi,
I’ve wanted to hear how you are and yet I’m kind of glad I haven’t, as I hope this means you are happy, busy and smiling.
I just feel lucky to have spent time with you this year (TWICE 💕).
It’s also comforting to know that tonight we’ll be looking at the same moon, and in less than two weeks, I will be in Japan. If you have time, I would love to celebrate your birthday together.
Please let me know if there’s anything I can help you with.
Dad.
Sent from my running shoe
August 25 2019 Phi,
How are you? It’s raining today in Hong Kong, so the temperature has dropped a little.
I don’t think I can be in Japan for your 17th birthday in October. I’m sorry.
Instead, I have booked a short weekend trip one month before October 15. I could meet you for a birthday dinner, Saturday, September 14. Or, any time Sunday September 15. Or, I could meet you for brunch Monday, September 16. I fly back to Hong Kong Monday afternoon.
Let me know which date & time suits you, my Birthday Gal… 17 already… Wow!
Love Dad… XoXo…
(August 6 2019) Hey Phi,
Today you arrive in Korea. How is it? How’s your host family? I guess you’re looking forward to shopping & some yummy Korean food tonight!
In two short months you will turn 17. Already, you are so grown up. So mature, so confident… As a young lady, it is becoming your time, your life, your choices.
We would love to see you in Australia at Christmas this year. It would be a dream come true for your Australian family. Can you imagine the tears of joy you will bring to your Nandee & Pa? Summer in Australia with your cousins… swimming in Allie’s pool, bbqs & the beach!
No one should deny you such wonderful opportunities. You have been denied your beautiful bilingualism & your loving Australian family too long.
Listen to your heart… Nandee needs you…
Also, selfishly I would dearly love to celebrate your birthday this year. I would love to give you your birthday gift in person, hug you, and take you out for a birthday dinner. I can fly to Japan to see you between September 28 to October 3. Let me know what you think.
Love always,
Dad.
(July 6 2019) Hey Phi,
We’re back in Hong Kong now.
Today we talked with Allen & Brenda. They & their children, David, Nicola & Tim, are very, very happy to hear our news. Nicola & Tim want to reconnect with you. Do you mind if I tell Nicola & Tim your email address? Tim’s email address is: timt97@gmail.com
I’ve been thinking that you should write a journal in English. You could write your story & slowly but surely your English will come back to you. It won’t be easy, but if you give it your best, your English will come back to you.
Nandee & Pa are super keen to reconnect with you too. Their email is: moricede@hotmail.com
I ran to Victoria Park this morning & yesterday at 6am. It’s a little cooler early in the morning, but the humidity is draining. It will be good to run & hike alongside you soon.
Love dad…
The small things are what make up life when we don’t have time to notice. Love. Song. Dance. Laughter. Smiles.
). It’s also comforting to know that tonight we’ll be looking at the same moon, and in less than two weeks, I will be in Japan. If you have time, I would love to celebrate your birthday together. Please let me know if there’s anything I can help you with. Dad.
opheliaanddad 