It’s the 21st of December, 2022. I’m here in Tokyo with Cc. We’re having a ball. Jogging most mornings together, izakayas, nabe, sashimi, shoes from Camper, Xmas gifts for you from Agnes (we hope you like the black bag), and a trip to Kyoto/Nara to look forward to.
I’m heading back to Bangkok on Saturday, December 7th. It would be grand to see you, especially as it’s been over three years since we smiled together. I’m sorry you haven’t been able to find the same strength that you bravely discovered when you reached out to me three years ago. Your fearless gesture brought your dad and your Aussie family such happiness. It was ever so courageous of you to seek me out alone, knowing your mother’s conflicting issues. I know her influence and control over you can’t be easy, but I’m calmed when I think of the kid you used to be. When you lived with me, you were ever so humble, gentle and kind. You were shy, but once you warmed to new people, you were polite, friendly and social. You showed appreciation for the simple things in life. You showed gratitude by thanking people. You recognized the importance of being thankful. I was ever so proud of you.
I also know there is a lot going on in your life, and you probably feel like you’re being pulled in many directions. When I think back to my time in the Family Court of Japan, you were old enough to experience the pain, but young enough not to grasp what was happening. It was an awkward period for you, occasionally visiting me when you were 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 years of age. You were young and vulnerable. I’m sure entire years and passages of time are blank, especially those first six years when you lived with me. I’m also hopeful other moments stir out of the shadows and have stuck to your soul. Easter egg hunts, cooking and laughing together, stories before bed, camping, singing, the big orange car, trips to Oz, making Christmas cards together… I miss the hugs you used to give me when I scooped you up in my arms. I miss your strong yet delicate arms around my neck as if you would drown without me. Your eyes didn’t lie. When you looked at me, you had that beautiful trust in your eyes like nothing could ever go wrong.
So, I’ll continue to wait, but Nandee & Pa won’t be able to wait forever. No one can change the past, but you know that now is your time. Now. Time to spend some time with your Nandee & Pa until they leave this life… your life. Your grandparents miss you more than you can possibly imagine. You are their first grandchild. Your smile, your laughter, your grace, and beautiful generosity brought them such happiness. Don’t be a stranger to their spirit…
Would love to hear from you. A simple “Konichi wa” would make my heart sing. I’m really hoping another blessing occurs this Christmas. After all, it’s love that works miracles, not jealousy, deceit or hatred. There’s no more powerful force on Earth more powerful than love. I love you, my daughter, more & more every day 💕Hoping to reconnect SOON. Talk to me or don’t, but I’ll always be here for you either way. My door is always open and there will always be a glass awaiting your presence.
Love Dad… XoXo…